I’ve been
feeling like crap.
Yeah.
But that is not something you go round telling people. You
smile and cheer at the good things and then go home and wonder where you got the
energy to work, to talk, to even tell funny stories to people coz all you want to
do now is knock yourself out and not think about all the things that are
bugging you. And then you realise that actually there is a high power holding
up your spine, keeping your person from collapsing into a pile of manure.
My friend texted me to ask- how are you, sorry I don’t ask
but are you okay?- I explained that between experiencing three deaths in two weeks
and catching a bacteria infection, I’m derailed but not too bad. She said that
would put her out too.
When I looked at the
conversation it became clear that I have been grieving. Grieving the Kikuyu
way. Stoically, tight lipped and dry eyed.
There are people on this earth that get under your skin a
few minutes after you meet them. Genuine people that wear no masks. Simple
people that are not trying to be something they are not. Hard working people that
haven’t figured out life yet, but are happy to share the few lessons they’ve
learned with you.
I will not talk about all three people, they all had one
thing in common- struggling with a health
condition – but that didn’t stop them from living life the best way they could.
Dominic, my colleague and an artist, and Mama Shiru, the woman that has been
looking after my grandmother for the last two years. The woman that helped
restore our dog Tom’s leg after our insane neighbor slashed it. I will talk
about my friend Millie.
Millie, when we first met I thought, ‘what a sophisticated
woman, I wish we could be friends.’ She
was a friend of my close friend. So when she actually sort me out and made friends,
I was very happy.
Two things I remember about her is how one time she called
me and explained a disappointment she had experienced. We talked for hours,
then she said ‘I really appreciate how your patiently listened to me.’ All I
did was listen, but I came to respect her very much because I am the complete
opposite. I don’t talk about my disappointments. They just eat me up and make
me lose trust in people.
Whenever I met Millie
with her friends, she would parade me in front of her very accomplished and
fine friends and tell them, ‘this girl is doing this and that and she is so
amazing in many ways.’ I would feel like I didn’t deserve all the praise and
attention. But now when I think about it, how many people, better than you in
many ways will stoop down to you level and see the little bits of positive
things in you? I can count them in one hand , and two of them are not human.
The last time I visited her, she had found me, told me, ‘you
are coming home with me.’ We bought drinks, warmed food and talked for hours.
In the morning after I had my bath she told me, ‘I want to tell you something, don’t
take it the wrong way please. When you share wash basins, remember always to
clean them out before pouring in your bath water. Coz, really you can’t be sure
if the person before you cleaned it out.’ I appreciated that lesson, simple but
practical.
I was sad, but I also know that God is not unrighteous to
forget the things these people did with their lives. I hope to see them again
in future.
Next: A grieving manual for Kyuks, before Stoicism kills us all.
